Remember to Breathe

Some of the suggestions in 100 Things to Do Before You Grow Up are puzzling. They are either too difficult for a kid to access without help, i.e. climb a mountain, or too extra, like this week: BECOME A MASTER PUBLIC SPEAKER.

Let’s break this down, not only is the idea to take on a public speaking gig but to master it. As in showing great skill or the ability to teach others? Public speaking ranks way up there in anxiety-inducing activities for adults so anything we can do to help kids feel more comfortable in this realm is a good thing, even if they don’t become master public speakers. In fifth grade, for Mrs. Rue’s Social Studies class, we had to stand up in front of the room and repeat the preamble to the Constitution. I believe this is the extent of my public speaking as a child: rote memorization learned from repeated viewings of Schoolhouse Rock’s Preamble song every Saturday morning between episodes of Scooby Doo, Where Are You! and Challenge of the Super Friends. It’s possible I had to give a speech in some other class at some other time and, if so, I’ve blocked it.

I was asked to help with the school district’s middle school speech contest at some point during my time at the Onslow County Public Library. I went to Trexler Middle School in Richlands, North Carolina, and listened to students give speeches. I was afraid they would ask me to be a judge and was relieved to be the timekeeper. I was so proud of each of those kids. It takes a lot of guts to stand in front of people and talk, especially sharing something you’ve written yourself. So maybe I should be a little less judgy on this public speaking thing, although you have to admit the master part is still a bit much.

Watching Top Chef and scrolling on my phone about a month ago, I checked my email. Trigger warning: I have 8,000+ emails in my inbox. I know, I know, but I’ve given up and honestly just don’t care anymore, they are like ants at a picnic. An email from LinkedIn said I had a message notification from a name I didn’t recognize. LinkedIn has never known what to do with me, I rarely get information about library jobs, but they have always thought I might make a good manager for Dunkin Donuts. I popped over to take a look, unsure if messages were different from invitations which usually inform me that I’m eligible for a scholarship for an MBA that I’m not in the market for.

This was a message, but it was also an invitation. Someone from a law firm in Charlotte had read my essay on The War Horse website and wanted me to speak to their Veteran Affinity Group. Wait, what?

Last February, The War Horse, the organization that helped me write and then published my first essay, reached out to see if I would sit on a panel for a symposium they were hosting at the University of Chicago.  I wouldn’t be giving a speech, just answering questions about my life as a military spouse before a live audience. I prepped and practiced. I alternated between regretting agreeing to participate and reminding myself to be thankful for the opportunity. It was an amazing trip and an amazing opportunity, and I had crushing anxiety in the weeks, days, and hours before. I’d wake up in the morning feeling great and slowly I would have this feeling that I was supposed to be worried about something.  Then, BOOM, I’d remember.

I survived and was very proud of myself. Doing hard things feels good when you are done.

While I wasn’t relaxed about this next opportunity, I did have more perspective. Porchia, an admin assistant at the law firm explained she had read my essay on The War Horse and wondered if I would be willing to speak to the quarterly meeting of their Veteran Affinity Group. Once we’d clarified that I am not a public speaker, I was ready to learn a bit more. This would be a virtual event as the law firm had branches around the world. I was a bit disappointed I would not be traveling overnight and on their dime to Charlotte. Just kidding, once I realized that I would be addressing the group via Teams it was much easier to breathe.

Before the date, I met briefly with Dave, the co-chair of the group, and we chatted about his military service (Marine Corps legal admin in the 80s) and what kinds of questions he would have for me. He asked me if I would be comfortable reading my essay to the group and although I had not read it since I’d published it and hadn’t planned on ever reading it again, I said I would. This preliminary run was very helpful and made me almost look forward to the meeting.

My anxiety hummed at a low frequency as I sat in our home office waiting to be let into the meeting, I took a deep breath. Though nervous through the introduction, as I began to read, I felt myself settle in and move along with confidence. A repetitive dinging began. Were more people joining the meeting? I looked up to see that everyone was gone from my screen. I logged back in, they had everyone turn off their cameras, and we jumped to questions, which I was incredibly thankful for. I spoke directly to Dave, the only face visible on my screen, knowing that some number of others were watching and listening unseen and unheard. It’s hard to gauge how you are doing when you can’t see your audience. Before I knew it, we were done, and I felt a great relief.

I’m still thinking about whether I said anything of substance, anything that made sense. It’s all a blur but it’s done. I’m grateful something I’ve written meant something to someone else. I’m thankful for the opportunity to share my experiences and offer a window into the lives of military families.

I’ll be okay if I never have to do it again but if another opportunity arises, I’ll take it. I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on public speaking. Give me the good, the bad, and the ugly!

Thanks for reading!

Before you go… am I the only person who didn’t know about affinity groups? Also known as an employee resource group (ERG), an affinity group is employee-led and offers employees who share a common identity characteristic, often something traditionally underrepresented in the workplace, the opportunity to focus on topics of interest to them, feel a part of a community, and create opportunities for networking, mentorship, and professional development. Although I was speaking to the Veteran Affinity Group, they did open the meeting up to all of their affinity groups because they thought the topic would be of interest to people beyond the veteran community. I’m not sure if anyone else joined us, but I appreciated the gesture.